Saturday, 29 March 2008


For those of you who are used to me waxing lyrical about my life and being all fluffy and positive, please feel free to look away now - major rant coming up....................

OK, there have been a couple of recent news items that have upset me, shocked me and made me question where our society is heading. The first was the case of the 2 year old boy who died from a methadone overdose, his 3 year old brother and 3 MONTH old brother were both found to have methadone in their system. The second was one I read about yesterday where a man had been to court after putting his 2 month old baby daughter in the microwave for 20 seconds. Fortunately she did survive.

Now, with my tribe I have come across most of the stresses and strains that parents encounter and have found myself pushed to the brink of complete meltdown - tiredness and total frustration usually being the culprits there. My solutions have been rather less extreme. I can vividly remember putting number one son in his buggy and pushing him to my mum's house and declaring that I needed an uninterupted cup of tea before I blew. His crime was to "decorate" my bathroom with my most expensive make up for the third time. I was a single parent at the time and money was more than tight so they were precious luxuries that I had no chance of replacing......... Of course, looking back the situation was all my fault as after it had happened for the first time I should have moved the bloody stuff but that is the marvellous advantage of hindsight.

Another situation was a crying baby, who seemed to have been crying forever. This time I put offending baby in his cot, shut the bedroom door, came downstairs, closed the door to the hall, went in the kitchen and closed the door - are you picking up the common theme here!!?? So with three doors between us I made myself a cup of tea, enjoyed it, then returned to find the source of my distress fast asleep. Little bugger!

The point I am trying to make is I know looking after babies and children can be a draining, onerous experience but how the hell can peope inflict such horrific cruelty on their own flesh and blood? It is totally beyond me and whenever i hear about such cases they haunt me. Where are the parents and neighbours in these situations??? My mum smacked me very occasionally (probably can count on one hand) and I know I wasn't a particularly easy child - bet that surprises you! Now I am a parent, she indulges my children at any given opportunity and would give me hell if I didn't look after her grandchildren properly.

As for neighbours, be NOSY!! There are so many ways of reporting concerns anonymously - wouldn't you rather get it wrong than be right and have done nothing. Having been in an abusive relationship before, I am so grateful to the neighbours who called the police on hearing me cries. One even marched over to my house and gave the source of my distress such a dressing down he stood there in total shock and she didn't even reach his shoulder!

OK, think I'm done........... Normal service will be resumed forthwith!

Thursday, 13 March 2008


The amazing Suzy over at Identity Crisis been writing about the harrowing upbringing she endured. It is heartbreaking stuff and I read it with trepidation, profound regret and also a deep feeling of gratitude that my childhood was so different.

This inspired me to give her another perspective........... I adore my daughter so decided to tell her how it should have been.

I became a mum for the first time in 1990 and my subsequent sons arrived in 1994, 1997 and 1998. I resumed my career in 2000 and life was sweet. Husband became unwell in 2004 and was initially diagnosed with gall stones....... He was duly admitted to have his gall bladder removed only to be told on the day of his operation that the specialist wasn't satisfied that the diagnosis was accurate. More tests followed and the next few months he was admitted to hospital as an emergency three times in total agony. He was finally diagnosed with Sphincter of Oddi Dysfunction (SOD for short!!!) and was told a simple overnight procedure was all that was required to get him back on track. He was in hospital for almost a month, during which he spiked the highest temperature ever recorded on the critical care unit. I finally brought him home at the beginning of a lovely summer, during which he regained his health and strength.

September came and being a Libran brought my birthday. Imagine my surprise when my birthday drink tasted like ashes. YUK! It was disgusting....... Of course I was pregnant.

Now this really wasn't on the agenda and much soul searching and many tears followed. I was 39, loving my career, had 4 amazing sons and another child was an enormous undertaking....... Despite my history of miscarriage, this pregnancy was smooth as smooth. I had an amnio, primarily because of my advanced years and found out on December 21st 2004 that I was expecting a GIRL. Yes, a pink one. I was shocked, stunned, amazed and absolutely over-joyed. My boys are my world but I had always longed for a girl to dress in pink frills, play dolls with and enjoy that connection that my mum and I had always shared.

The fair lady Miss Evangeline Dolly Wiseman came into the world at 22.22 on 25.05.05 (for you football fans that was the night that Liverpool won the Champions League despite being 3-0 down).

It was love at first sight. I cried and cried when I first held her. Whilst waiting to be discharged I put husband to bed (well he had been up 24 hours), swaddled my girl and sat in a chair just watching her sleep. Something I still do to this day.

The way I feel about her is different to the boys. That doesn't mean I love them any less but it's like me and the girl have a shared secret that no-one else knows. I cannot bear to be parted from her for longer than is absolutely necessary. I avoid going out before she is in bed at all costs. For example, if friends are meeting for an early dinner, I will join them for sweet rather than miss those precious couple of hours I get with my girl.

As there is such an age gap between her and the boys, there is no sibling rivalry as they adore her as I do; to such an extent that I have to make them say no to her - they literally do let her get away with anything, be it dictating what they watch on the tv, what she plays with, where she sits and I could go on and on........

This girl will really test the theory that no child ever grew up suffering from being loved too much. You too Suzy should have had this and I am so sorry you didn't XXXXX

Sunday, 2 March 2008


This week has been a challenge to say the least.

I am really missing my mum (she’s been in New Zealand for the last two months). Work has been pretty full on and I am also trying to get some contractual issues settled. I spent half of my day off at a work-related seminar, which although informative, took me away from miss minx for far too long. And finally I have been decorating our bedroom. Now slapping emulsion onto four walls isn’t exactly the hardest job in the world but it is complicated in this particular room by a king sized bed, two bedside tables, a chest of drawers, a double wardrobe and two triple wardrobes. Now such are the constraints on space in this household that I had to move each piece of furniture, which meant emptying each wardrobe individually, moving it a couple of feet forward, wedging myself behind it and painting the space, letting it dry, pushing it back, putting all the contents back and onto the next obstacle.

Yesterday I had allocated for one triple wardrobe and one wall. Whilst going through the contents of my “summer wardrobe” my mind wandered back to my 21st birthday. Couldn’t tell you why but there you go. Now, I can’t reveal too many details as those involved are still alive but suffice to say it was well celebrated! A couple of days later I was in the pub feeling distinctly like a popped balloon and enjoying a particularly acute bout of anti-climax, when a friend’s fella popped up with an absolute gem of wisdom……… He opined that without the lows of that particular evening, the highs of my birthday would have been meaningless. It has stayed with me all these years. And those chuckling at the precise number of years can bugger off! And I must reiterate that it was a man who produced this pearl of incitefulness…….

So I soldiered on, completed my allotted wardrobe and wall and feeling inspired, I tackled the last wardrobe and wall, hung the new curtains and made the bed with the new bedding. It looks lush! Chocolate and aqua if you’re interested……

So I got into bed last night a bit weary but definitely enjoying a warm glow of satisfaction.

I woke this morning to the sound of the daughter climbing the stairs telling her brothers to “shush” at the top of her voice. Next I was assaulted by a volley of cards, chocolates and cuddles. It’s Mother’s Day, life is good and my cherished sense of contentment is restored. It’s the most precious asset I have and I value it highly.

Hope all you other mothers out there had a good day, husband even took me shopping voluntarily. Perfect!