Thursday, 13 March 2008

FOR SUZY

The amazing Suzy over at Identity Crisis http://suzy-identitycrisis.blogspot.com/has been writing about the harrowing upbringing she endured. It is heartbreaking stuff and I read it with trepidation, profound regret and also a deep feeling of gratitude that my childhood was so different.



This inspired me to give her another perspective........... I adore my daughter so decided to tell her how it should have been.


I became a mum for the first time in 1990 and my subsequent sons arrived in 1994, 1997 and 1998. I resumed my career in 2000 and life was sweet. Husband became unwell in 2004 and was initially diagnosed with gall stones....... He was duly admitted to have his gall bladder removed only to be told on the day of his operation that the specialist wasn't satisfied that the diagnosis was accurate. More tests followed and the next few months he was admitted to hospital as an emergency three times in total agony. He was finally diagnosed with Sphincter of Oddi Dysfunction (SOD for short!!!) and was told a simple overnight procedure was all that was required to get him back on track. He was in hospital for almost a month, during which he spiked the highest temperature ever recorded on the critical care unit. I finally brought him home at the beginning of a lovely summer, during which he regained his health and strength.


September came and being a Libran brought my birthday. Imagine my surprise when my birthday drink tasted like ashes. YUK! It was disgusting....... Of course I was pregnant.


Now this really wasn't on the agenda and much soul searching and many tears followed. I was 39, loving my career, had 4 amazing sons and another child was an enormous undertaking....... Despite my history of miscarriage, this pregnancy was smooth as smooth. I had an amnio, primarily because of my advanced years and found out on December 21st 2004 that I was expecting a GIRL. Yes, a pink one. I was shocked, stunned, amazed and absolutely over-joyed. My boys are my world but I had always longed for a girl to dress in pink frills, play dolls with and enjoy that connection that my mum and I had always shared.


The fair lady Miss Evangeline Dolly Wiseman came into the world at 22.22 on 25.05.05 (for you football fans that was the night that Liverpool won the Champions League despite being 3-0 down).


It was love at first sight. I cried and cried when I first held her. Whilst waiting to be discharged I put husband to bed (well he had been up 24 hours), swaddled my girl and sat in a chair just watching her sleep. Something I still do to this day.


The way I feel about her is different to the boys. That doesn't mean I love them any less but it's like me and the girl have a shared secret that no-one else knows. I cannot bear to be parted from her for longer than is absolutely necessary. I avoid going out before she is in bed at all costs. For example, if friends are meeting for an early dinner, I will join them for sweet rather than miss those precious couple of hours I get with my girl.



As there is such an age gap between her and the boys, there is no sibling rivalry as they adore her as I do; to such an extent that I have to make them say no to her - they literally do let her get away with anything, be it dictating what they watch on the tv, what she plays with, where she sits and I could go on and on........



This girl will really test the theory that no child ever grew up suffering from being loved too much. You too Suzy should have had this and I am so sorry you didn't XXXXX

27 comments:

Kaycie said...

Lovely. Just lovely.

I'm sorry for Suzy, too.

Suzy said...

I am absolutely touched beyond words.

Knowing the way it could/should have been makes me appreciate more than words can tell you, how much friendships such as yours mean to me.

Wonderful women like you make my life worthwhile.

I honestly and truly mean that. People like yourself have been nudging me towards my goal all my life.

Angels, gatekeepers, call them what you will.
To me they are God's gift.

Love you.

Suzy

PS- Would you mind sending me your email address?

Mine is suzypafka@snet.net

CrazyCath said...

That is just beautiful. It is how it always should be. You are one supermum!

And like you, I love my boys. Always wanted a girl. I am now quite content with my two boys but I am so glad fo you that you have this precious gift (gift doesn't do it but you know what I mean) and 4 great lads with no "jealousy" issues. Or not major ones I trust.

Hope the reins the husband holds aren't too tight. ;0)

Swearing Mother said...

OK MMOF, so why is the husband keeping you on a tight rein at the moment?

Come on. Spill.

You know you can trust me to keep a secret.

Maggie May said...

Yes, I too was sad for Suzy, but your story is so beautiful and I'm SO pleased for you. Many thanks for sharing it!

softinthehead said...

That was truly lovely MMOF .... and from a a jaded and cynical mother of a now 27 yr old daughter, let's hope you float magically through the teenage years. :)

She's like the wind said...

That made me all teary, I thought that was lovely and very fitting after Suzy's recent post. Love to you and yours. x

Crystal Jigsaw said...

This is a beautifully written post. Suzy's posts are incredibly touching, I read them too.

I know exactly what you mean about not being separated from your daughter for longer than is necessary. I feel that way with Amy.

Crystal xx

Isadora said...

Congratulations to you and nice of you to speak to Suzy. There are LOTS of Suzies out there and no matter how it began, they need to know that their life can be whatever they dream. A dream is never given without a means of making it possible.

laurie said...

dang, you're making me want a daughter.

lovely post! suffused with love.

Daffodilly said...

Just found your blog and love it.

Will pop by again!

Daffodilly

the mother of this lot said...

I remember that night well. You got the ecstasy (new baby girl) and I got the agony (Liverpool winning European Cup).

Anonymous said...

Man Utd. of course! Is there any other team worth supporting?

Daffodilly

Mid-lifer said...

That's great MMOF - your children are lucky to have such a great mum!

If there's anyone out there who hasn't read Suzy's blog - do so, it's incredibly well written and very very moving.

George said...

I tell all my new-father friends that nobody loves you like a little girl (I have two; one son). Sounds like she's doing a great job preparing those brothers to be good husbands.

CrazyCath said...

Hi MMo5 - where you bin?

Thanks for stopping by mine. I see your pin!

Holy Chaos said...

beautiful....

i just love precious babies!

Holy Chaos said...

beautiful....

i just love precious babies!

Frog in the Field said...

What a great post, really fabulous.
Children are without doubt the greatest love of your life....expensive, sometimes relentlessly irritating, exhausting, but so, so wonderful.

Working mum said...

Hi Manic Mother! Popped in via CrazyCath via Family Affairs. Love your post on daughter - touching and uplifting. I really wanted a daughter and got one. Hearing the words 'it's a girl' made the previous 23 hours of trauma worthwhile. She is a joy and makes me laugh every day!

Will be back to read more of life as a manic mother of five!

the mother of this lot said...

I have to say you do leave a lovely comment! If you're interested in the story of me and the Father of This Lot, my post in February called 'Love is a Battlefield' attempts to explain it!

And hurry up and start writing again!

the mother of this lot said...

Came back yet again to say my little Fixer has made you an award. Come and get it!

Pig in the Kitchen said...

Oh, so lovely, like a fairy tale! It's strange you talking about how the bond is different with a girl; I've got three girls and one boy, and really notice the difference with the 'boy bond'. How lucky to have four older brothers, I shudder for her future boyfriends, they'd better not mess her around!
Pigx

Pig in the Kitchen said...

I've just spent an hour or so reading Suzy's blog, it makes what you have written so much more poignant. I'm going to bed counting my squillions of blessings...
Pigx

CrazyCath said...

Missing your writing MMoF! Is the rein loosened a bit yet?

Manic Mother Of Five said...

Thanks Kaycie xx

Suzy, you are just too kind MWAH! Luv ya right back xx

Hey Cath, make no claim to be super anything, just love my kids but thanks anyway. Reins are looser now!

Sweary, you are as nosy as me! It's just that he needs to balance that wild streak of mine that emerges every now and then.

Hi Maggie, Welcome!

Softy, she can't be any worse than I was!!

Thanks Windy, right back at ya x

Thanks Crystal, good to hear I'm not the only lala out there!

Welcome Isadora, and as you say there are way too many Suzys in this world. Come back soon.

Blimey Laurie, praise indeed. Thanks x

Welcome Daffodilly and thank you. Drop by again x

Hey MOTL, At the risk of being controversial, always had a soft spot for LFC, so I was quite pleased. Not as pleased as I was getting my pink one though! Sorry! That said have been in Mr Giggs's company as my cousins wedding reception and have to say he is charming.

Thanks Mid-lifer and do recommend Suzy's blog for stunningly well written posts about the most harrowing of subjects.

Welcome George. I watch the husband with the daughter sometimes and that unconditional adoration is potent stuff.

Hey Holy - just as well you like babies, you've got more than me!!!


Hi Frog, as you say they can send you potty but one cuddle later and you let them walk all over you once again!

Nice to meet you working mum, children are just a complete blessing and I have been more blessed than most!

MOTL, I'm back!

Thanks for dropping by Pig, be it boys or girls, you can't beat that intense bond - more heady than any drug I've tried!

Cath, I'm back! So lovely to be missed.

Expatmum said...

Gosh, your tale rings some bells with me. After a certain medical procedure that my husband had, I found myself pregnant at 41, 10 and 7 years after my other two!!!! Never mind, what will be will be, and I have since met many people who are the youngest of 5 with millions of years between themselves and their sibs. I do feel sorry for him as he's like an only child in a way. When the other two finally come in from school they have so much homework, he's still on his lonesome with me.
As for girls versus boys - my theory is that the girls do your head in and the boys wreck your home!!